It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Damn victory sex feels great
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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