Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
