And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
