I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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