my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
