There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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