Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
