i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
