You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
