I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
