I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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