i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
