I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize