I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
