well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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