It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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