yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
