Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
