I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
