Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
