Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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