all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
