you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
