gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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