i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
