this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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