you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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