We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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