There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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