You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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