he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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