i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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