my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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