if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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