I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
