I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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