Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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