don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
