i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
