you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
