Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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