the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well you can't waste a boner
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
