just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
