why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize