I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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