Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ketchup is God's man juice
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
