WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
