I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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