I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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