he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
