John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
