And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
