Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
