She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
