Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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