Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
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