He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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