No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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