the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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