would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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