his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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