you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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