OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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