This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
