Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
