hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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