I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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