did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
