Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
