This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think I just sharted jello shots
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
