So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
