I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
