actually, I'm a sock model
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
