OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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