Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
