Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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