In the future we'll all be gay
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
