i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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