The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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