Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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