My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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